butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
