How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
