I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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