did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
