so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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