either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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