Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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