based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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