Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
