I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
