I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
