Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
