She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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