Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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