We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
