Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
