shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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