All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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