??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize