I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
