I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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