So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
