If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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