If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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