im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
