the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
