Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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