The best revenge is premature balding
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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