You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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