Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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