Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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