Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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