yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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