I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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