Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
