You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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