wake up i wanna do it froggy style
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
