you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
