I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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