i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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