apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
