I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize