I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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