im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
