Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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