i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
