I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
