somebody snuck up and got me drunk
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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