he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Damn victory sex feels great
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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