I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
