i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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