when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
