Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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