i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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