My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
