Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
