fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
then he tried to convert me to islam
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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