so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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