I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
