I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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