Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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