I feel great
I just peed on a car
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
