i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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