do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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