Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I party with great urgency now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
