I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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