I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
