I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
