She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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