she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
