Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
