homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
