I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
